Scratch that. I know which is better:
Once I realized that I was fading, I made it my mission to hold off the 4 women behind me for as long as possible. On the second to last turn, the last woman passed me. My body was done. It was all I could do to keep pace with them and hope that it would end soon. I wobbled my way through the remaining sets of core and arm strengthening drills, plyometrics, and (get this) more sprints.
Long before the last set of dips, pushups, crunches, and balance drills, I was planning my dinner: the Whole Foods food bar and whatever randomness it would offer.
Getting to Whole Foods was a minor miracle: I had to sprint to make the bus, and the sprint basically used up the paltry glycogen reserves that remained in my system. Once I got to Whole Foods and ate, I couldn’t move from the dining alcove. So, I exchanged a series of texts with my pal Ben. The best parts look something like this:
Me: I wonder if a wheelbarrow can pick me up and roll me home…Ben: That’s a little overkill for someone your size.
Ben (4 minutes later): Should I send a car?Me: It’s nice and warm here. Isn’t that what hypothermic people say right before they take off all their clothes and die?Ben: Ha!Me: I can’t move. It’s only two blocks home.Ben: 2 blocks? You can do it! Just think couch, awaits!Me: I am going to live Tweet my walk home. I’m composting my cardboard food box.Ben:…Me (3 minutes later): Stairs now.Ben: Steady….Me (7 minutes later): In building elevator!!Ben: Snort…Ben (2 minutes later): Hey, you forgot to grab me some ice cream and run it over here.Me: Don’t worry, I put it on the Circulator bus for you.Me (45 minutes later, after watching an awesome ep of Law & Order SVU – Treat Williams played a former football star): I don’t know if I can move to the shower.Ben: Try to crawl. It’ll be just like college.Me: Dude, what college did you go to? [We went to the same college]Me (5 minutes later): I don’t think I’m cut out to be an endurance anything, except whiner.Ben: Try winer.Me: I can’t move from the couch. Too much inertia.